The Coopsters @thecoopsters@angrytoday.com

Gen-Z About To Have World Collapse When Gen-Alpha Determines Racist Jokes Are How To Win Friends And Influence People

Scientists Report Regardless Of What Humanity Does, Every Simulation Ends Horrifically For Everybody Except Old Man McCreegy

Americans Hope Pentagon's Upcoming UFO Report Vindicates Nation's Unshakable Feeling That The End Is Near

COVID-19 Awarded Nobel Prize In Medicine For Exposing In 2 Years What Would Have Previously Taken Thousands Of Years: "We now understand the fundamental hypocrisies, frailties, and moral failings of human civilization."

Woke Twitter Mob Reports Nigeria Has Been Taken Over By White Supremacists: "Why else would an African nation not support our constant #BLM rhetoric and ad hoc censorship?"

Father Saddened That Ahmed Farhat (Now Izanagi Mikoto) Abandoned Islam For Shintoism: "I don't understand, Allah also respects men who work in the fudge packing industry?!"

US Immigrant That Escaped Persecution In Native Country Shocked By How Much Of A Southern Racist He Has Become: "If I hear about another #BLM riot or that I must always believe a woman, I'm going to to KKK my way through Time Square."

Meteorologists Baffled By Upcoming Dodeca'heat'ron: "Ever since we hired that Photoshop guy, the weather phenomena have gotten crazier."

World Economy Collapses Days After Raymond 'The Handyman' Raboni Was Fired From The US Department Of Treasury For Addressing Female Superior As 'Toots'

Tenant Certain Landlord Is Going To Roto-Rooter Something, But Fears It's Not Going To Be His Clogged Sink

Anarchic Plumbing T Never Became 'A Cog In The System'

A. The Axe Wound Is Pussy.
B. The Axe Wound Is Pussy.

Man Far Too Old For A Night Of Ruffies And Gay Bars

Huddleston Elementary's Second Set Opened With 'November Rain' And Then Transitioned Into A Tessellated Rhythmic Improvisation Woven Together By Intricate Melodies That Lovingly Embraced Each Concert Goer, Gracing Them With A Lasting Blissful Wisdom Not Felt Since Biblical Times

U2's Community Outreach Stunt Back Fires Big Time As They're Booed Off Stage While Crowd Chants "Huddleston!" For 2 Straight Hours, Band Returns And Nails A Set List Prepared Last Minute.

1. Master Of Puppets
2. Bohemian Rhapsody
3. O Fortuna
4. White Rabbit
5. Zombie
...more

Huddleston Elementary School Band Always Fires On All Cylinders: "First off, what is the back story on these guys?! And second, was that not the greatest version of Chris Isaak's 'Wicked Game' you've ever heard or what?! Man, I haven't felt that alive in years."

"My pa's pa's pa, my pa's pa, and my pa never stopped lookin' for that boy. So me too. I wake up every day and look. I wouldn't know my purpose on this Earth if it wasn't for Timmy gettin' abducted (and probably sodomized (many times (violently)))? That boy is everything to us."

Twitter Now Offers "Uncancel Me" Feature For Weak Minded Users Who Have Yet To Replace Fear Of Others With Love Of Self And The Realization That Everything You Do Is 'Good' As It Is You -- In Other Words, Save $2, Click "Tweet" And Take It Like A Man You Fucking Pussy

Charlie Nguyen Has Canceled Every White American That Has Referred To Him By Name

Fong-A-Long Mi Ding-Dong, Director Of China's "Limitless Energy" Reactor, Is Confident Reactor Will Make China's Cheap Plastic Crap Cheaper (And As The Science Matures -- Crappier!)