The Dick Shaped Rape Whistle: Blow Hard To Alert Others That A Sexual Predator Is Cumming

The Coopsters Stopped Using Condoms After Establishing A Stable, Sex-Filled Relationship With His 3rd Grade Teacher Mrs. Henderson

Coopsters' Latest Fashion Line Popular Across The Political Spectrum: "I want to heal the divide in this country, so I can then split it back in two."

Dr. Professor Coopsters, Ph.D.'s Personal Library Contains Thousands Of Leather Bound Prints, Which Many Believe Holds The Complete Record Of Mankind's Knowledge Of Playboy® From 1953 To The Present

The Coopsters Saves Woman's Life Using His Patented 'Hymen-Lick Maneuver': "I didn't know she was choking."

Master Ascetic Realizes Drugs, Sex, And Rock&Roll A Much Faster Route To Enlightenment

Man Still Believes 'Having A Career' The Best Way To Save His Soul

"It is true that, historically, the negro has been put to work double penetrating our white women. However, let us not be narrow minded, the negro is also well suited to spit roasting our women. I hope this clears up any concerns you all may have regarding my latest venture: Negro SexFarm™."

Castle Därtürńiæn's Cheap Sale Price Finally Made Sense To Doug Upon Returning Home From Work After The Year's First Snow

Latest Diet Fad Promotes Eating Only Organic, Locally Sourced, Free Range, Gluten-Free, Fair Trade, Vegan, Kosher Foods

Nearly Empty Tube Of KY Jelly Wishes Owner Would Fuck Hotter Bitches

Glasses Of Red Wine Hope Drinkers Enjoy The Anal Sex They Were Discussing Over The First Half Of The Bottle

Captain Maverick Regrets Staying Up All Night Doing Shots And Talking 'Hella Shit' About The Enemy's Talent

Recent Renovations To NYC's Laguardia's Terminal F Offers 'Rural-Feel' To Customers

Radiology Student Shocked To Learn Ultra Sound Breast Scans Aren't A Legitimate Form Of Pornography: "I knew the scans would be in black and white, but this is ridiculous!"

American Talent Scout Heard Desperation In Sven Larson's Voice And Attributed It To His Need To Relocate To A Latitude Less Than FUCKING° COLD'

Social Media Prodigy Known For Posting In All Caps And Appending 'FUCKING FAGGOT' To Every Line

Intellectuals Are Too Racist To Make Significant Contributions To Woke Science

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