The Coopsters @thecoopsters@angrytoday.com

ERRATA(CA): Many followers noted a deep wisdom in the previously presented idea. The Coopsters apologizes to any followers who may have been offended by such eternal truths. Moving forward, we will do our best to stay on the left side of history.

Meet Astral (aka Beth). She sees 'hair dye' as paint, nothing to be feared. People accept her 'quirk'. 20 yrs ago her vibe was 'bad'.

Meet Amber. She sees 'concepts' as paint, nothing to be feared. People hate her 'quirk'. In 20 yrs, her vibe will be as trite as Beth's.

Don Johnson Dons Johnson

The History Of Retards

Mazzy Star's Eerily Peaceful Voice Upon Listless Percussional Drippings Of Strummed Strings Is All The Convincing Local Heroin Addict Needs To Make His Next Fix A One Way Trip 'To The Stars'

IBM Social Media Team Decides To Go With A 'Gay Pride' Twitter Backdrop, But Has 'Hispanic Jesus' Backdrop Ready Should Societal Whim Tire Of Gays And Blacks And Realize 'Pobrecito Mexicans' Are The Next Woke Cause

To Celebrate Asian Market Portfolio Gains This Monday Morning, Carefree Man Will Be Banging Your Girlfriend (They Will Meet For The First Time In An Hour; He's _That_ Smooth And She's _That_ Sick Of "The Tool" (aka You)), So Fucked (You -- Figuratively; Your Girl -- Literally)

PRODUCT RECALL: Consumer Unable To Out Run Bullets With Pumped Up Kicks

Neil deGrasse Tyson Notices A Collage That "Should Have" His Picture In It, Decides To Pull The 'Race Card' But Then Notices Obama's "Smug Face," Finally Gets Race Card Revoked When During Meltdown Finale He Cries: "WTF!? Why is that Asian physicist fool in there?"

iPhone Doesn't Cure Cancer

World Fiending For Another Steve Jobs Documentary

With All That Open Source In The Bank, You'd Think Linus Would Dress Fancier

Naive Patent Clerk Actually Thought Society Would Accept A Theory From Some No Name No One With Frizzy Hair And Not Of Blue Blood

New Study Reports Sadness Better Than Happiness

Prison Guard Who Murdered Jeffery Epstein Fired For Racist Tweet: "This is unacceptable."

Jason Bourne's Dopey Looking Sidekick From That Movie Filmed At One Of Those Jeffery Epstein-Funded Universities Is Spotted (Not) 'Being Cool' On Da Block Of Those Voluptuous Breasts Whose Equally Nice Ass Neighbor Once Served As The Puerto For A-Hole-Rod's Cockball Bat

Local Terrorist Cell Tasked With Sawing Off Head Of The Coopsters' 'Editor In Quif', Plan Expected To Backfire As A Chicken With Its Head Cut Off Is Even More Obnoxious

Ahbid Balsahk (aka 'The Tripoli Troll') Praying At Least One Of His 72 Virgins Is Jewish So He Can Convert Her To Catholicism...And Then Stone The Infidel Using A Box Of Those Gag Foam Stones, Hoping Heaven's Bazaar Carries Them...They Must, Right?

Extremist Group's Recent Hire, 'Mini-Boom-Boom', Concerned He May Contract Afterlife Cooties From His 72 Virgins

Afghanistan Lifts Ammonium Nitrate Ban As Explosive Diarrhea Alternative Proving To Be More Of A Shit Show