The Coopsters' Birth Name Is 'Thug Dirt Awesome': Known For Rolling A Cartoon Of Cigarettes Up His Sleeve, Wearing Anywhere From 0 To 15 Leather Jackets At Any One Time, Constantly Bleeding From Both Eyes (With One Eye Made Of Glass And Containing What Is Believed To Be Another Universe Within), Dipped In So Much Ink That Corpse Limbs Have Been Surgically Attached To Increase Tattable Surface Area -- But With A Real Anchor Welded To His Chest, And More STDs Than Modern Science Has Cataloged
...And Then You Find Yourself In The Dickless Dimension Theorized In The Seminal Works Of Countless Dickamaticians, Where The Cockulus And Ballgebra Have No Symbols Capable Of Expressing The Feeling Of Floating Dickless, Devoid Of The Constant Tug Of Carnal Balls Pulling You Into The Incarnate Dickery You Always Believed To Be The One True Reality
...There Is Nothing To Fear -- It's All Perfectly Natural -- The Sounds You Hear Are The Angels Of Dick Beckoning You Towards Gaia's Gooey Galactic Cooter So You May Join In The Cosmic Reckoning That Shall Gush Forth Across The Fabric Of Reality -- Fear Not, For This Experience Is 100% Safe And Effective
Ex-Navy Seal ποΈ fluent in French women π₯ and who single handedly unpredicted the Mayan 2012 cataclysm π¦, prevented a 4th tower from going down on 9/11 π½, and annihilated the Gray alien race π½, effectively saving humanity (for last).
* Use to also be at http://twitter.com/thecoopsters, but oddly enough someone at Twitter didn't appreciate The Coopsters' world-class journalism. *