The Coopsters @thecoopsters@angrytoday.com
Ex-Navy Seal 🎖️ fluent in French women 🥖 and who single handedly unpredicted the Mayan 2012 cataclysm 🦙, prevented a 4th tower from going down on 9/11 🗽, and annihilated the Gray alien race 👽, effectively saving humanity (for last).
* Use to also be at http://twitter.com/thecoopsters, but oddly enough someone at Twitter didn't appreciate The Coopsters' world-class journalism. *
Joined Mar 2021
Father Coopsters Was A Devout Cocktholic, A Dick Fearing Man
Jebadiah Coopsters Made His Fortune Filming And Distributing 'Abandoned Mine Pornography': "It's not the mine that runs dry, it's your creativity."
Sheriff Poopsters Died Tragically While Executing An Internal Affairs Arrest Warrant Against His Brother Deputy Coopsters For An Illegal Brothel He Owned, Operated, And Fanatically Tested For Quality Assurance
In The 1920s, The Coopsters Was Loved By All: "So this big titty bitch walks over to ask me a question. All I hear are her milk jugs jostlin' for position, so naturally I go 'brrr' and motorboat her breasts. Then she asks: 'Do you remember fathering my 15 children?'"
Nation's Sluts Hope 'Someone Cute' Rapes Them Tomorrow Evening
The Coopsters' Birth Name Is 'Thug Dirt Awesome': Known For Rolling A Cartoon Of Cigarettes Up His Sleeve, Wearing Anywhere From 0 To 15 Leather Jackets At Any One Time, Constantly Bleeding From Both Eyes (With One Eye Made Of Glass And Containing What Is Believed To Be Another Universe Within), Dipped In So Much Ink That Corpse Limbs Have Been Surgically Attached To Increase Tattable Surface Area -- But With A Real Anchor Welded To His Chest, And More STDs Than Modern Science Has Cataloged
The Coopsters Met North Middlebury Librarian Online And They 'Rolled Around In The Stacks' This Evening Even Though To His Dismay She Looked Nothing Like Her Profile Pic.
In Other News: South Middlebury Librarian Heart Broken To Be Stood Up.
Twitter Files Reveal Numerous DMT Entities On FBI Payroll: "It's a pysop within a psyop."
Historians Argue That The Coopsters' Meteoric Rise As 'The Voice Of The Woke' Cured A Debilitating Sex Addiction Which, Over The Years, Had Left Countless Women Heart Broken
Disney's 'Strong Female Character' Falls Flat: "Her character is totally unrealistic, where are her massive tits?"
...And Then You Find Yourself In The Dickless Dimension Theorized In The Seminal Works Of Countless Dickamaticians, Where The Cockulus And Ballgebra Have No Symbols Capable Of Expressing The Feeling Of Floating Dickless, Devoid Of The Constant Tug Of Carnal Balls Pulling You Into The Incarnate Dickery You Always Believed To Be The One True Reality
...There Is Nothing To Fear -- It's All Perfectly Natural -- The Sounds You Hear Are The Angels Of Dick Beckoning You Towards Gaia's Gooey Galactic Cooter So You May Join In The Cosmic Reckoning That Shall Gush Forth Across The Fabric Of Reality -- Fear Not, For This Experience Is 100% Safe And Effective
...Where The Concepts Of 'My Dick' And 'Your Dick' Lose Their Meaning As The Universal Vagina's Event Whorizon Integrates All The Galactic Dick Into It's Eternally Moist Singularity
The Future Is Whores: The Coopsters Leads Mankind Into The Infinite, Where Man, Machine, Cock And Balls Synergistically Merge Into A Cybernetic Fuck Machine That's Always Down To Party
US Intelligence Agencies Break Covenant With Man By Wiping Slate Clean In A Bid To Ensure Man Continues To Believe In Covenants
Ex-Navy Seal 🎖️ fluent in French women 🥖 and who single handedly unpredicted the Mayan 2012 cataclysm 🦙, prevented a 4th tower from going down on 9/11 🗽, and annihilated the Gray alien race 👽, effectively saving humanity (for last).
* Use to also be at http://twitter.com/thecoopsters, but oddly enough someone at Twitter didn't appreciate The Coopsters' world-class journalism. *
Joined Mar 2021
