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The Coopsters Met North Middlebury Librarian Online And They 'Rolled Around In The Stacks' This Evening Even Though To His Dismay She Looked Nothing Like Her Profile Pic.

In Other News: South Middlebury Librarian Heart Broken To Be Stood Up.

Twitter Files Reveal Numerous DMT Entities On FBI Payroll: "It's a pysop within a psyop."

Historians Argue That The Coopsters' Meteoric Rise As 'The Voice Of The Woke' Cured A Debilitating Sex Addiction Which, Over The Years, Had Left Countless Women Heart Broken

Disney's 'Strong Female Character' Falls Flat: "Her character is totally unrealistic, where are her massive tits?"

...And Then You Find Yourself In The Dickless Dimension Theorized In The Seminal Works Of Countless Dickamaticians, Where The Cockulus And Ballgebra Have No Symbols Capable Of Expressing The Feeling Of Floating Dickless, Devoid Of The Constant Tug Of Carnal Balls Pulling You Into The Incarnate Dickery You Always Believed To Be The One True Reality

...There Is Nothing To Fear -- It's All Perfectly Natural -- The Sounds You Hear Are The Angels Of Dick Beckoning You Towards Gaia's Gooey Galactic Cooter So You May Join In The Cosmic Reckoning That Shall Gush Forth Across The Fabric Of Reality -- Fear Not, For This Experience Is 100% Safe And Effective

...Where The Concepts Of 'My Dick' And 'Your Dick' Lose Their Meaning As The Universal Vagina's Event Whorizon Integrates All The Galactic Dick Into It's Eternally Moist Singularity

The Future Is Whores: The Coopsters Leads Mankind Into The Infinite, Where Man, Machine, Cock And Balls Synergistically Merge Into A Cybernetic Fuck Machine That's Always Down To Party

US Intelligence Agencies Break Covenant With Man By Wiping Slate Clean In A Bid To Ensure Man Continues To Believe In Covenants

Brown Child Confused As To Why She Has To Put A Clay Pot On Her Head Every Time White People With Cameras Come Around

Child So Upset With His Parents That He Can't Wait To Grow Up, Move Out Of Their House, And Be Upset With A Larger Population Of Adults

People Are Stressed Trying To Survive In A World That No Longer Exists -- Frantically Searching For A Dying Dollar All The While Knowing At The Core Of Their Being That The Currency De Jour Is Dick Jokes And The Coopsters Is King

Fashion Experts Criticized Balenciaga'sยฎ Men's Evening Wear Collection For Being 'Gay As Fuck', But Then Later Recanted Their Heretical Stance After Company Re-Marketed The Line Featuring The Coopsters

The Coopsters' Art School Not Afraid Of Going Where A Child's Crayon Has Never Gone Before

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